To Beard or not to Beard?

Posted on April 26, 2015


During the shareholder-mandated vacation I grew something that started to resemble a beard. (The last time I attempted to grow facial hair was for a 2010 mustache growing competition, the final results of which were not flattering.) Like Al Gore after losing the presidential election I found myself relaxing into a state of bearded peace.
A Better Beard Pic?

I’ve long been jealous of others chin bristles and convinced my own attempts would result in unflattering and patchy tufts poking about my face. This meek beginning has given me a new hope.

Because the professional presentation of KmikeyM is important to our success it is with caution that I request permission to grow a beard. As a publicly traded person I have the advantage of shareholder feedback, which acts as a safety mechanism should my attempt to grow a beard result in something more Jack Sparrow than Richard Branson.

We have developed a system to both measure and maintain our facial hair. The vote for the beard also sets the amount of time until the next vote on the boeard. This allows the shareholders to maintain ongoing influence over the beard. Additionally, each voting period will include an opportunity for discussion on trimming, shaping, and grooming of the beard.

Approval Percentage:

49% or less: Shave the beard. No requests for facial hair for two years.
50% to 59%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in two weeks.
60% to 69%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in one month.
70% to 79%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in two month.
80% to 89%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in three months.
90% to 99%:Keep the beard, schedule a vote in six months.
100%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in one year.

We'll end with a quote from Ashton Kutcher, "The scruffier your beard, the better you need to dress." Indeed, Mr Kutcher.

Also we'll end with my favorite beard skit. The Bearded Men of Space Station 11

Yes - 2431.0

davehayden 678.0
Douglas Dollars 415.0
Marcus 260.0
arijkem 200.0
chrishiggins 146.0
Ryan Feigh 105.0
abodens3 97.0
Ryan Thompson 80.0
Curt 62.0
Robby Russell 53.0
brendanjones 50.0
George 50.0
Anjou Wu 46.0
Neff 41.0
UnusualPi 32.0
Andy 17.0
dalas verdugo 16.0
hoytster 12.0
joshuajabbour 10.0
humanclock 8.0
reifi 6.0
molly 5.0
beau 5.0
RobWilcoxJr 4.0
nlambert 4.0
worldkiss 4.0
Jesse Malmed 3.0
spencerian 3.0
njg 2.0
ixikos 2.0
jeffweiss 2.0
mzocher 2.0
?uestionable 2.0
KevinGabbert 2.0
DanielH 2.0
jhsu 2.0
robby 1.0
waferbaby 1.0
james 1.0

No - 2760.0

aaronpk 1115.0
Josh Berezin 554.0
GeneM 456.0
Jona Bechtolt 182.0
bertrandom 108.0
Matthew Stadler 100.0
Matthew Spencer 51.0
awmahan 40.0
vc_kmikeym 38.0
xakxrusx 32.0
handsome 20.0
patr1ck 20.0
CelestiaGrace 19.0
wandersean 7.0
egli 6.0
ksouth 5.0
Lisa 2.0
ceamba 2.0
Pollard 2.0
garrett 1.0
iRunMike 0.0

Past Discussion

Robby Russell (53.0 shares, voted yes)
...the face of the new wolf on wall street?
Mike Merrill
The bearded men of Wall Street 11?
Josh Berezin (554.0 shares, voted no)
No can do, kid. 12345
RobWilcoxJr (4.0 shares, voted yes)
I have a tradition of growing a beard whenever I'm injured. One less thing to do, shaving, in a cast for example. I like the incremental structure of the proposal which protects the shareholders from undo risk.
jhsu (2.0 shares, voted yes)
voted yes because experimenting is good. maybe keep the beard, and take a survey of public opinion after a month?