My Beard

Posted on January 15, 2020

Description:

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." -William Shakespeare

The question is, should I grow a beard?

I’m not sure I want a beard, but I haven’t shaved in three weeks and I like to take advantage of an opportunity. I’ve never had a beard and it might make sense right now. A beard in Los Angeles tells people that while you might spend your days at home only showering occasionally, you are still working. A beard implies a man of intellectual effort. In Alaska it’s a sign you spend time outside, but here it’s a sign of being an indoor kid.

It’s also kind of a power move. In the book “Smart Power” by Christian Whiton there is a general rule of thumb that the worst dressed person in a meeting is likely the most influential person in attendance. GQ proclaimed it “would be hard to find a sloppier city” than Los Angeles, because “In L.A., the most powerful man in the room is the one who's most casual.” And what is more relaxed than a man with a beard?

This is not an abandonment of my love for capitalism. The bearded CEO is a thing! Richard Branson, Jack Dorsey, Sergey Brin, Lloyd Blankfein, Marc Benioff, and even Steve Jobs ended his career with a short beard. The New York times has said that “when capitalism has assumed a more swashbuckling, individualistic persona, hair has sprouted on the chins of entrepreneurs and speculators” and what could be more speculative than trying to sell creative ideas into the Hollywood machine? A beard could be a fitting look for me now just as Brooks Brothers was when I started out 12 years ago.

According to the Daily Mail Reporter, men with beards "look as much as eight years older than their unshaven counterparts." As someone with a baby face this helps me out, just like Sergey Brin who used a beard to transition from a boy to a legend:

"It’s like the billionaire CEO of Google decided to go through puberty when he grew out a beard, transitioning from a mere boy to a revolutionary legend of technology." -Sebastion Dillion

My face is not growing a full thick beard, but even a scruffy beard can become iconic, like the patchy face of Che Guevara. And as it grows long it gives an aura of the wise wizard, like Gandolf or Stafford Beer. A beard works at every level.

I’ve been clean shaven my entire life, but the shareholder votes about facial hair have always been close. In 2008 a mustache proposal was rejected by just 54%.Then in 2015 the beard was rejected by 53%. Right now I have about three weeks of growth from over the holidays and it’s time to either hold course or abandon ship.

As always it is up to the shareholders if I should continue or shave. Using the same system for the last beard vote the percentages of approval will determine how long I’ll keep the beard or be clean shaven.

49% or less: Shave the beard. No requests for facial hair for two years.
50% to 59%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in two weeks.
60% to 69%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in one month.
70% to 79%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in two months.
80% to 89%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in three months.
90% to 99%:Keep the beard, schedule a vote in six months.
100%: Keep the beard, schedule a vote in one year.

(Subsequent votes, if needed, will happen on weejee.io/k5m)